It is said that there are between 11-17 people who are influential in our lives. My Dad was most certainly at the top of my list. There are so many things to say and share I hardly know where to begin. He began by having me question things and make my own path, from giving me the 'Y" in my name to let me know he didn't want me to be like everyone else, and he said, it visually looked good too. He wouldn't allow me to drive without knowing how to drive a stick or change the car tire so where I went I could be self-sufficient. Technically he taught me how to use his 35mm camera in eighth grade when I for some reason I don't remember, I became very interested in photography. There were many lessons on f-stops and shutter speeds and not composing all images in the center after lunch at the kitchen table. He encouraged me to ask to shoot for Peggy McKenna at the Waldo Independent in Belfast, which I did. Later when I moved to New York I didn't think time about looking up famous photographers and asking to assist them. I worked for a few years part-time for Sandy Skoglund in Soho and developed a wonderful relationship.
My Dad was my go-to person to talk to from my college years on. Running up phone bills from Baltimore to New York. Talking about feelings and matters of the heart was a place he was comfortable with and was his preferred type of "discussion". I didn't realize until later in life what a special role model that is. He always said a man shouldn't be ashamed to cry. And I have countless memories of seeing him in tears for all different kinds of reasons.
In following the nontraditional male role model, my Dad was one with an eye for all details. Even what colors to paint the house and wear for clothes. Those were jobs my mom happily gave over to him. It also gave us plenty to discuss when I went to art school. He made the best homemade biscuits, chocolate cake, and maple syrup. There was no microwave cooking for him. He would take pride when the food at the table was all something we grew and made ourselves, from the bacon to the butter. He believed in the importance of small family farms growing up, all while they slowly disappeared around us. We would have deep conversations and I remember coming to him concerned that what if there too many people on the planet one day and we didn't have all the pretty trees we do now. I can remember him looking at me with the look of 'I understand', and saying 'yes and I don't have an answer for you'. He emphasized the importance of questioning the answers.
There was so much we enjoyed doing together. Dad would come to visit in NY and attend classes I was taking at Parsons School of Design. We would attend MacWorld expos and Photoshop conferences in Boston. He would go on shoots with me, help edit images. We both appreciated adventure and would spend days snowmobiling too fast across Lake St. George.
This is the first Father's Day without him here, but I had been losing him for the past five years. Last fall, I began holding conversations with him in my mind that I would have wanted to have but couldn't. Since he passed I hear his voice in my mind clearly every day. I believe it is because of the depth of our relationship, how well we know each other, how many times I brought issues or concerns to him, and they were met with his same encouragement and constant insight into what the issue really was. Sometimes so simple it was staring me in the face all along, yet so profound. He often told me I needed to let go of the idea that life was supposed to be "fair". We all know it certainly isn't, yet we can get so upset when we experience something that feels unfair. So simple, yet so powerful once you really get a hold of it. Took me well into my 40's to really begin to let go of that one.
Today my pastor at Green Memorial brought a wonderful message about fatherhood. He said, "Fathers have a responsibility to fan the flame of passion of their children". I couldn't agree more. This is something my father did for me time and time again and I am so grateful. It is because he did this for me that I want to do the same for all kids I meet and the ones I teach photography to at the Maine Coast Waldorf school. Sometimes people get caught up in finding their passion. I feel we need to know passion to begin with, and worry less about having "a passion".
He is for certain missed deeply, but in his absence, I am given the gift of realizing the true depth of our relationship and how important relationships are. Each time I buy a piece of new photo equipment and try a new adventure, I know he would more than approve.
And parents if you are reading this and you hire me for a shoot, know I am not going to allow you to not have your picture taken. It is a must. Any photos I have with my Dad I treasure, especially the really good ones taken with his camera or mine. And I want to give that same gift to you:)